In my experience sharing your feelings is the base of the trust and the intimacy we need. Strong emotions can often turn a talk into a fight. When we talk without a plan, the conversation can look like an attack. Use communication habits. You can show your feelings in a way that opens the truth, builds bonds, and stops needless defensiveness.
Choose the right “climate” and time
When to raise difficult issues or concerns: You might want to wait until you’re ready to talk about it when either of you is “HALT” (hungry, angry, alone, or tired). Trust me, this will go a long way in having serious talks once you are well-calm and distracted by nothing.
Master the “I” statement
Do not dwell on stuff in the past; it isn’t in the present moment. Don’t even form a mental list of all one’s faults from the past. Stick to a particular issue that is really getting to you at that moment.
Monitor your tone and body
People judge on multiple things, including the content of what you say, how you deliver it, and sometimes how you look when delivering it–especially when it comes to body language. In any conflict situation, a posture that is not aggressive will help a lot. That will comprise a soft voice and relaxed but open body language.
Remove the words “always” and “never.”
If “always” and “never” are taken out, you can still say some things. These terms tend to generalize the use of the words and, in many cases, make the other party feel accused. For instance, it would be okay to say, “I was a bit overwhelmed this morning having to take care of things alone,” rather than, “You never help.”
Choose honesty-kindness
Put your truth plainly and clearly without insults or passive-aggressive notes. The idea is to hear and not to hurt. He who passes hears, and all henceforth does and outwardly constructs when tempers or hurt hearts soar.
Listen for understanding and not conditioning
Give him undivided attention while he is talking, and do not interrupt him. Attempt to put oneself in the other’s shoes. Usually even recognizing their feelings brings the heat down, although one may not agree with their sense of logic.
Practice the “Circuit Breaker.”
A 20-minute cool down the box-loaf provides how easy it is to take the near-immediate fire lodger. This keeps things from being said that no one can un-say later and allows both to return to the subject with a clearer mind.
Express Your Needs Scrutiny
There is no way your partner would know what you are thinking. After explaining how you feel, clearly state what would help the situation. For example, say, “It really would make me feel supported if we could check in for 10 minutes a night.”
Concentrate on Solutions and Not on Winning
In relationships, if one of the partners wins the argument, both lose. Not trying to see who happens to be correct; instead, try to find a way to work together. It is far better to approach the problem by “us versus the problem” instead of just “me versus you.”
